Revisiting the Beginning – an Emotional Journey to Four Years ago

I’ve been avoiding doing this. The early days when Serenity was diagnosed were hard – some of the hardest days of my life. Diving into them and the emotions there isn’t something I’m super thrilled to do.

But, it’s important. It’s important because this is all about letting those outside ‘the circle’ know the details, the things you have to do and what you have to go through to make it through having a Cancer Kid.

It’s important because most of the world does not know about the Herculean effort made by non-profit organizations and their vast armies of volunteers to ease the burden that is thrust upon families who have an unwanted disease forced on them.

It’s important because it fully reminds me of what we went through and how incredibly …. RAW it was.

In those first 24 hours, we started out the morning taking Serenity for what we considered an annoying routine doctor visit. By the end of the day, I found myself in the hospital facing and trying to deal with the reality that my baby could be dead in the next 24 hours. Unbeknownst to me at the time, things would get worse moving forward, a lot worse, before they ever started getting better. And that’s why I don’t really want to go back to the beginning. Continue reading “Revisiting the Beginning – an Emotional Journey to Four Years ago”

2 days before Serenity’s diagnosis

I stumbled across an email I wrote to Phil’s cousin. It’s dated two days before we got Serenity’s diagnosis.

Every week or two Serenity gets a raging fever. 104 w/o medication but it usually comes down with Motrin. Last time I took her in – I rarely do that – she had a bad double ear infection. I wouldn’t normally do the antibiotics so readily but she also had an upper respiratory infection and where her teeth were waiting to be pulled was all abcessed. So we did the abx and she felt great and then we both got yeast and it was awful. She’s been through a lot lately. Her hand was slammed in the door a couple of weeks ago, it’s still blue and black and a bit puffy. She can move her fingers but I think she’ll lose the nail, it looks so bad. She’s got a hacking cough and (clear) runny nose. All of this I think is ok but suddenly the familiar fever, and it’s been nagging at me that she bruises SO easily. I mean Phil holds her legs to change her diaper and she looks like she has been abused. Horrible, deep dark bruises all over her body, ever time she falls down. And I wonder whether something is wrong with her.

We have a great ped, but no insurance and right now no money so I am not taking her in. She actually seems a little better today than yesterday. Yesterday she alternated sleeping and screaming at the top of her lungs all day and evening, even with the Motrin.

Any ideas?

It was weird to read, because I don’t remember her being that sick. I do remember thinking she was sicker than my other kids had been.

I am so grateful for modern medicine and the miracles that have made it possible for Serenity to be alive and well today.

Last Therapy yesterday!

Yesterday was a huge landmark for Serenity – it was her last “therapeutic” clinic visit! She’ll still have to go in and have her blood checked every month for a couple years, but yesterday she had her last lumbar puncture, her last intrathecal and intravenous chemo!!!

We had a fun time at the clinic, the nurses (who ROCK!) threw a little party for her and everyone was congratulating her on her last therapy. The best part was we purposely scheduled it to be the day after she turned four – so her late birthday preset was being able to go off therapy.

Here’s the video of our day at the clinic, we hope you enjoy it! (click the video to go to a larger image)

In case you missed it or want to watch it again, here’s her first cancer video:

Serenity’s Cancer Journey from Phil801 Burns on Vimeo.

We’ll write more soon – have to post and run right now but wanted to share this with everyone as soon as possible….we’ve got a BIG party to plan that YOU are invited to!

Counting down the days

The last few weeks have been rough for Serenity. She has been fighting off viruses left and right. First she had an eye infection, with goopy eyes that were sealed shut every morning. For that we had to hold her down and administer eye drops (ciprofloxacin). She hated it because the medicine feels like it’s burning her eyes. She has also had this persistent, barking cough for weeks now. In addition to the septra, mercaptopurine, and methotrexate that she takes regularly, her pediatrician put her on a nasal spray medication (fluticasone) and an oral antibiotic (Amoxicillin) to help with the cough. When there was little improvement, the doctor put her on first an inhaler and then a nebulizer (Albuterol). A week later, the doctor sent her for a chest x-ray because she wasn’t improving. The chest x-ray showed some viral inflammation but no pneumonia, which we were thankful for. Our doctor also prescribed prednisolone. (Yea! bonus steroid week!) Just kidding. Steroid week is one we all dread around here. It makes Serenity feel awful and she turns into quite the little monster some days. Then she cries and says, “I hate it when I’m mean to people.”

Several siblings have had the same cough but they are mostly over it.

Serenity seemed to improve for a few days, but now it’s back. We’ve made a third trip to the pediatrician and she has an ear infection now, too, which boggles my mind given the multiple antibiotics she’s been on this month. She is now on a different antibiotic, and has a second nebulizer medication (Budesonide). It breaks my heart to see her propped up in bed with the mask – which she dislikes – over her face, trying to breathe in as much of the medicine as she possibly can. She is tired of being sick, and I wish more than anything that I could do something to help her. The other day she spiked a fever of 102.6 which made us nervous, but Tylenol brought it down and she’s been ok since.

We had a clinic visit about 10 days ago and I mentioned her cough to the nurse practitioner. He thinks she will feel better soon when she is off treatment and not on so many medications. I hope so! She’s had leg pain that comes and goes for months now, and I thought again about pressing for a bone scan to rule out AVN. Since she has only a few weeks left of treatment I decided to hold off and see what happens when she goes off the steroids and chemo.

Next month! I can hardly believe it. In the beginning I couldn’t imagine life this far down the road. Serenity goes back to the clinic next month for her final lumbar puncture and her final dose of intravenous and intrathecal (in her spine) chemotherapy. Then 5 days of steroids and then we finish out the month of July with her daily oral & weekly chemo and she’s done!

I have to say, I am beyond excited for her and also pretty nervous. With ALL, the ideal is for the doctors to achieve remission within a period of days. So when people ask if Serenity is in remission, they’re shocked to hear that she was in remission by day 14. Research has shown that if treatment isn’t maintained for several years, the child is more likely to relapse. We were told that she would be on treatment for approximately 2 1/2 years. (It’s 3 1/2 years for boys.) It is actually calculated to be 2 years from the time she started Interim Maintenance (one of the phases of treatment). So the end of July will be 2 years for us.

I asked the nurse practitioner about Off Treatment follow up. They would still like us to bring her in monthly for a CBC and exam, but it will be in another part of the clinic and “quick in and out”, he said. He asked if I wanted her port to come out at her appointment next month, or wait an extra month “just to see”. I told him I’d like to leave it in for another year! Her port has been such a blessing. Blood draws are quick and painless. He said they won’t leave it in for a year, one month it is. A CBC can be done with just a drop of blood so they will just do a finger poke. I still have reservations getting her port out, because if they needed a line for anything in the future she would have to have an IV, like anyone else. I do understand why they want to remove her port-a-cath. With a central line, there is increased risk for infection, and when she gets a fever, we run her to the hospital for IV antibiotics. With the port gone, we won’t need to do that anymore.

In my heart I believe we have kicked this thing and I am excited for my little girl to get her healthy body back and be a normal kid. At the same time, the idea of *not* giving her chemo every day to keep the beast at bay terrifies me. For the past 2 years she has had chemo nearly every day and multiple doctors have hovered over her, with us chronicling and reporting every symptom, no matter how mild. Now we’re going back into the world of Everybody Else where a fever is just a fever and a cough is just a cough. Except we’re not Everybody Else and maybe never will be. I walk around with an anvil labeled Cancer hanging over my head, wondering when it will drop. Sometimes I forget it’s there, but not often. Maybe in time that will change.