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<\/p>\nI’ve been up a lot of the night with Serenity, she’s just not feeling very good.\u00a0 I’m realizing that two and a half years is a really long time to keep this up.\u00a0 I’m angry at cancer and whatever caused this to happen to my little baby.\u00a0 I’m really pissed off that because of this stupid disease she is sitting here suffering in ways I cannot imagine.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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As is usually the case, this isn’t the only thing going on in life right now.\u00a0 I wish I could make everything else just stop so I can deal with this and help her.\u00a0 Everything sucks right now and motivation to work on improving it is hard to find, I can’t even find motivation to go mow the stupid lawn.\u00a0 Not to mention all the crap I’ve got to deal with.\u00a0 I want to throw in the cards, give it all up and start over (but keep all my kids – and their health).\u00a0 Why didn’t I become an Oncologist so I was prepared and able to actually do something about this damn disease?\u00a0 Instead I’m just a stupid programmer that helps businesses do stuff better – how lame is that, what is the point in that?\u00a0 I look back and feel like my whole life has been useless and hasn’t helped anyone out – I’m 35 and only now becoming intimately aware of this disease and all the other people that have suffered from it.\u00a0<\/p>\n
![\"serenity2ndclinic.jpg\"](\"http:\/\/www.phil801.com\/wpblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/serenity2ndclinic.jpg\")
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How could I have lead such a trivial life?\u00a0 How could I have been so completely ignorant of such important things?\u00a0 It’s hard to consider much of anything to be of consequence at this point.\u00a0 It seems that life and our pursuits are really just a big joke.<\/p>\n
If you take anything away from reading my blog, please, take this: In the blink of an eye, almost\u00a0everything you think is important in life can become meaningless and stupid.\u00a0 If you aren’t in this position, be grateful, know that you are dearly blessed and pray it doesn’t happen to you.\u00a0 Be mindful of focussing too much on things that aren’t important – when it comes down to it, your family is all that really matters.\u00a0 Don’t be like me and require your child’s life to be at risk to realize it.\u00a0 The self-loathing, self-pity and self-judgement really isn’t worth it.<\/p>\n
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I’ve been up a lot of the night with Serenity, she’s just not feeling very good.\u00a0 I’m realizing that two and a half years is a really long time to keep this up.\u00a0 I’m angry at cancer and whatever caused this to happen to my little baby.\u00a0 I’m really pissed off that because of this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=157"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.liftingupserenity.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}